Evolving Through the Seasons

When the Journey Doesn't Follow the Plan: Finding Purpose in the Roads I Never Expected to Travel

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps."— Proverbs 16:9 (KJV)

The older I get, the less I believe my experiences belong only to me. I've always been a planner. I like knowing where I'm going, what needs to be done, and preferably when it's going to happen. Give me a goal, and chances are I'll have a plan for getting there.

Life, however, hasn't always cooperated with my plans. I've lived long enough to make some good decisions and some I probably wouldn't make again. I've followed God's direction at times, and if I'm truthful, there have probably been many times when I went my own way. I've had plans work beautifully and others fall completely apart. Then there were things I never planned at all. Loss. Disappointment. Unexpected responsibilities. Closed doors. Changed relationships. Health challenges and a few circumstances that arrived without asking whether I had room for them. Some of those experiences changed the direction of my life. Others changed me.

Yet when I look back over the journey, I'm amazed by something: God was able to use all of it. The victories gave me gratitude and the mistakes gave me wisdom. The losses gave me compassion, while the disappointments gave me perspective. The unexpected seasons taught me flexibility and some of the messiest chapters of my life eventually gave me a message I could share with somebody else. Not because every mess was sent by God. But because none of them were beyond His ability to redeem.

Blessed to Be a Blessing

I've said for years that we are blessed to be a blessing. For a long time, I probably thought about blessings the way many of us do—the things God gives us that we can share with others. Our time. Our resources. Our gifts. Our talents. But life has expanded my understanding of what a blessing can be. Sometimes the blessing is an experience. Other times it's wisdom that came at a price. Sometimes it's compassion developed through heartbreak. Yet other times it's patience we didn't have before life required us to develop it. Sometimes it's the ability to recognize pain behind someone's smile because we've worn that same smile ourselves. And sometimes the blessing is simply knowing how to sit beside someone without needing to fix anything. I've learned that there are moments when people don't need my answers. They need my presence.

When Someone Else's Season Looks Familiar

Recently, I've found myself walking alongside several people I love who are facing very different seasons. One friend is grieving the unimaginable news that her estranged son was found deceased. Another friend unexpectedly lost her job while simultaneously facing the reality of her husband's early-stage dementia. And recently, I said goodbye to my friend, a man whose quiet support of his wife's ministry taught me something beautiful about service that happens behind the scenes. At the same time, my own family is navigating health concerns, caregiving, uncertainty, and change. These are not the same experiences. I would never pretend they are. But there are pieces of them that feel familiar. I know something about grief, particularly the death of a child. I also know something about sitting beside someone you love while wishing you could change what they're facing. I know something about plans changing without permission. I definitely know a few things about praying when you don't know what the answer will be. And perhaps that's why I've begun to see some of my own experiences differently.

There have been times when I've wondered why I had to travel certain roads. Today, I don't necessarily have answers to those questions. But occasionally I find myself standing beside someone on a road that looks strangely familiar. And something inside me quietly says: You've been here before. Not so I can tell them how their journey will unfold. Not so I can compare their story to mine. Not even so I can tell them what they should do. Maybe I'm simply there so they don't have to walk that particular stretch of road alone.

The Message That Came From the Mess

Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that God knows the plans He has for us. Yet God also gave us free will. We make choices. Other people make choices. Sometimes we listen. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes circumstances enter our lives that had nothing to do with anything we chose. And sometimes life simply doesn't make sense. I no longer feel the need to make every difficult experience fit neatly into an explanation. What I can say is that when I look backward, I see evidence that God has repeatedly taken pieces of my life I didn't understand and somehow used them later.

Things I once prayed to escape became experiences that helped me understand someone else's pain. Things that once made me ask, "Why me?" eventually allowed me to sit beside someone else and could honestly say, "I understand." Some of my tests became testimonies. Some of my messes became messages. And some of the roads I never wanted to travel prepared me to recognize someone standing on that same road years later. Maybe that's another part of evolving through the seasons.

Still Evolving

Last week, I shared that life doesn't always end one season before beginning another. Sometimes we find ourselves living through several seasons at once. This week, I'm realizing something else. Sometimes one of those seasons doesn't even belong to us. Love invites us into it. Friendship invites us into it. Family invites us into it. Compassion invites us into it. And perhaps some of what we've experienced along our own journey has quietly prepared us for that invitation.

As I look back over the seasons of my life, I can't help but wonder how many of them were preparing me—not necessarily for what came next in my life, but for who God would someday place in my path. I may have planned the destination. But God knew who I would meet along the way. And sometimes, I believe, the person we became along the journey is part of the blessing we were always meant to share.